I’ve had two major relationships in my 31 years. I’ve come extremely close to getting married.
One relationship was with a cowboy, not a real cowboy. He wanted to be one. He wanted to do rodeos. He wore ropers and wranglers. He listened to country music. He spoke with a southern accent. He made plans around hunting season. He had a decent up bringing. At least his parents were married and very involved in his life.
The other was a rapper. Yes a real rapper. He went to rap battles, performed in strip clubs. Lived the typical rapper life. Had lots of rapper friends. If you know anything about that kind of lifestyle it isn’t always glamorous so to speak. As an artist you struggle. That’s exactly what he is. An artist. He had a rough upbringing. His father was an abusive alcoholic. His mother worked several jobs trying to keep their heads above water all while trying to raise 3 kids on her own.
Now I’ll tell you about these two relationships. They are as different as night and day. And I’ll tell you why this is a silent fight.
It started out wonderfully. We had known each other a long time. Our relationship was a whirlwind. We got engaged pretty quickly. We moved in together pretty quickly. That’s when the nightmare started. He threatened me. He cursed at me. He locked me in our room. He threatened himself. He always chose his best friend over me. He didn’t find it necessary to work. I paid the majority of the bills. When he finally did get a dead end job as a cook in a restaurant he started cheating on me with a waitress. He had that woman in my home while I was at my bachelorette party. He was supposed to be at his bachelor party with his friends. No one had any idea all of this insanity was happening on a daily basis. They didn’t know what I was dealing with. I put up a front. I made up my mind that I had never been in a serious relationship and would stick to my guns. Be an adult and honor my commitment. I wanted so badly to be married and have a family. I thought at that point in my life that’s what I was supposed to have. So I stuck with him. It was short lived. We broke up on our wedding day. Divine intervention. That’s all it was.
Now for the other relationship. Oh he would do anything for me. He loved me so much that he flipped his entire world upside down to be with me. He works 6 or 7 days a week so that I’m able to stay home with our son. Even when he’s not at work he’s working. He’s never ever so much as even thought about threatening to hit me. Doesn’t curse at me. He puts me before his friends although the situation hasn’t really come up that he’s needed to. He stands up for me. He believes in me. He appreciates me. He’s made a LOT of mistakes in the past (as we all do) but he’s learned from them and doesn’t make the same mistake twice. He’s never cheated on me. He does everything that a man is supposed to do for his family. He works hard and comes home to be with us.
So, who do you think the bad relationship is with?
The horrible relationship, my hell on earth, was with the cowboy. I’m not saying that he’s a bad person. I don’t have any ill feelings toward him. We broke up 7 years ago. He went to war and I think he lost himself in that God awful place. He didn’t come back the same. Honestly my heart aches for him. I knew the person he was. The person he is now, or was 7 years ago, is a tortured soul who couldn’t seem to find closure from the things he saw and had to do. I haven’t spoken to him or seen him since we broke up and I truly hope he found what he was looking for. It certainly wasn’t me.
That fantastic amazing relationship is with the rapper. The man who I love more than myself. The man who’s always done right by me or has tried his best to. The man with whom we share the most beautiful amazing little boy. He and our son are my world. He’s made mistakes and he’s paying for them still sometimes. It sucks but he’s perfect for me. I’ll gladly walk to the end of the earth and back for that man. He’s put his dreams of making it as a famous rapper on the back burner so that he can provide for us. When he has the chance he will get back to it. And I’ll support him every step of the way like I have always done and always will do.
So things sound pretty good now right? Well…if only life was that simple. There is someone very important to me that doesn’t necessarily want me to be with the love of my life. We’ve struggled. Hard. It has been far from perfect. We fuss and we fight. It’s not all kittens whiskers and rainbows all of the time. But nothing in life is. And nothing in life that’s worth it is easy. It is so hard. It’s a daily battle. But oh my word there is so much passion and love there. But for someone that isn’t enough. Every chance they get they drag him down. They all but say that he isn’t good enough. I get it. You don’t want to see your loved ones struggle. But at the end of the day I have the love of a wonderful flawed man. Our life is a beautiful glorious disaster. Eventually things will get smoother. The road to success is not an easy one. It’s bumpy as hell and a wild ride. But I’m perfectly happy and content being on this ride with him.
The point here is, if you love someone, support them. Love them how they are. Love who they love. If you can’t, pretend to. It’s ok to voice concerns. But only do it once. Don’t beat a dead horse so to speak. Unless they are in an abusive relationship leave it be. What’s meant to be will be and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it. The only thing we are left with in this life at the end is our loved ones. Let them know you love them by the way you treat them. By the way you treat who is important to them. It stresses me out beyond words that this person who is so important to me and such a big part of my life can’t seem to accept that I love this man and he isn’t going anywhere. Ever. We are in this for the long haul. They aren’t rude to him. They aren’t mean to him. But if he does the tiniest thing that they think he shouldn’t do, they beat him down verbally. Not to him, to me. He doesn’t know and he won’t know as long as I can help it.
Be kind. Be forgiving. Remember that just because someone doesn’t do things they way you do doesn’t necessarily make it wrong. It’s just another way. Don’t hold someone else to a standard that you yourself could never obtain. And don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
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